Getting to know (and how to unchoke) you

Dear Scooter B, 

Yesterday morning we visited your mom's obstetrician, Dr. Meyers to check on you since you'll only be staying inside your mother for another 10 weeks (if that!). The ultrasound technician made sure that the parts inside Mom designed to keep you safe and sound were working correctly and then we got to take a peek at you. You are now over four pounds and looking more and more like a little person each day. We saw your little leg bones through the ultrasound and your cute, little face. You did not appear to like having the ultrasound tool pressed on your head as you kept raising your hands, almost like you were pushing it away. We think you might have my nose but your mom's cute cheeks. We can't wait to see what you look like! 

That's you, looking at us with at least one eye

 After the appointment, we played hooky from work to get some lunch and then we both had to work for the rest of the day. Fortunately, your mom and I could both work at home that afternoon. Unfortunately, we had to go to a "Infant Safety and Infant CPR" class right after work at St. Vincent's hospital. It was a long day!

At the class, we learned how to keep you safe, healthy and to take care of you if ever you became unhealthy. Learning how to save a baby from choking and how to deliver infant CPR was well worth the time and price of admission but the rest of the class was a little silly in my opinion. Many of the lessons taught were so obvious that the class would be better held as a course people have to take to determine if the state will allow them to have a baby. For example, you are not even born and will be very young when you first read this but I suspect you already know that babies shouldn't be allowed to eat coins or household cleaning chemicals. These lessons and many others that fall under the "Basic Common Sense" category were reviewed. My favorite lesson was explaining that babies can drown in less than an inch of water including water found in:

-Buckets

-Bathtubs

-Toilets

-Pools

-Drainage ditches

As tempting a place to play as this may appear, STAY AWAY!

"Wait..drainage ditches?", you might ask. Yes, drainage ditches. Why this place was added to the list is beyond me but I think if we let you play in or near drainage ditches then we have another problem aside from drowning. I mean, my parents let me play ONLY in drainage ditches when I was a kid but times have changed, Scooter and we know better now. Also in the now knowing better category, your mother and I had a refresher on CPR training complete with all the new techniques and practiced delivering CPR to dummy babies who had no arms or legs (or souls if their hollow eyes suggested anything). This was the highlight of the class and both your mother and I are much more confident that we could take care of you in an emergency. Just stay away from drainage ditches.  

Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Smith! It's a....FREAK!

The lowlight of the class was an obnoxious father-to-be sitting in the front row and making obnoxious comments with his obnoxious face and obnoxious mouth in an obnoxious manner. It made me feel grateful that your father is so awesome and not at all obnoxious. He is also very tolerant of others.

Artist's representation of that obnoxious father-to-be

All in all it was a busy day that left your poor mother exhausted but it was so wonderful to see your little face and your heart beating like crazy. Your body and your mom's body are getting ready to get you out into the real world and your mom and I are prepared to take the best care of you come what may. Can't wait for you to try my patented "Nickels and Dimes" cereal served with Clorox Bleach milk.

Love,

Dad

Welcome to Dempsey Junction!

Hi baby boy,

Welcome to our humble home! Mom and I moved into together way back in 2006 and have lived in two apartments and a rented house before buying our house in April of this past year. It's been a long time coming but we're finally in our home and soon you will be too!

Our first apartment was with Auntie Bunnell in Worcester and was a large but drafty one floor apartment with two bedrooms and plenty of living space at 3 Wakefield Street. Other than the outrageous heating bills during the winter, a minor mouse infestation (we only killed 18 in two weeks!) and a loopy landlady, it was a nice place to live and we hosted many gatherings with our friends. 

3 Wakefield Street: your mom's and my first place together where we lived with Auntie Bunnell for a short time and then with a family of mice

We then moved into a house right across from Lake Chargoggaggoggmancogmanhoggagogg (this is not a joke but the actual Native name) in Webster, Massachusetts with our friends, Chris and Nick in 2007 at 66 Birch Island Road. This was also a fun experience with many friendly gatherings but not without its own share of drafts and the added difficulty of getting accustomed to living among what we'll call Lake People. Living with Lake People (coincidentally the name of Mom's memoirs) involved seeing people sporting not just rat tails coming off their mullets but three rat tails coming off their mullets! It also involved a lot of seeing stuff about NASCAR and hearing about NASCAR. It was a great lesson in tolerance both for us living with Lake People but probably also for the Lake People who had to deal with us (since we never talked about NASCAR). 

66 Birch Island Road: the house wasn't as bad as it looks...it was worse!

 After a year in Webster, your mother and I returned once again to cohabitating without roommates in 2008 when we moved into a little one bedroom apartment back in Worcester at Redwood Hills on Sunderland Road. Space was tight but the heat was free so we enjoyed our nice, toasty apartment for the next three and a half years. It was the longest your mother and I had stayed in one place and it is where we planned both our wedding and our eventual house purchase! It was also the first time we had lived in a corporate owned apartment complex which meant that all we had to do was call maintenance when there was a problem. This was a vast improvement from calling the loopy or grizzled landladies we had in the past. The apartment complex also featured neighbors who, based on the smell, were either boiling babies for dinner or goats but fortunately it also had a pool and a grilling area which we didn't utilize particularly often but often enough to enjoy the outdoors and get away from horrible smells. 

Red wood Hills, 382 Sunderland Road: where it's apparently legal to cook and consume human babies

 Living in a small apartment enabled us to save up enough money to buy a house. The one we selected was a split-level (Mom translation: raised ranch) in the town of Holden, Massachusetts in the village of Jefferson. Holden is much farther from work than the commute to which we were accustomed in Worcester but we love the town, love its shops and restaurants, love the school system for the future Scooter the Scholar and, most importantly, we love our house! 

"Sale Pending" lacks the excitement of the traditional "SOLD!" sign but we took what we could get

Our property is a little over one acre of land on a cul-de-sac (which is a fancy way of saying "dead end") with a big yard, a place for a pool and a quiet, tree filled area. Quiet that is until the Providence & Worcester Rail Road starts rattling and a train passes through our backyard every now and again! Mom and I think that you will love trains; I know I enjoy the train going by except when Mom and I are sleeping. Don't worry though, it doesn't happen often. In addition to our front row seat for the once or twice daily P&W RR show, the house came with a basketball hoop, a pool table AND horse shoe pits. Between that and the nature trails throughout the woods, there will be no shortage of activities for little boys like Amo and you!  

You will hear tales from your mother of when the living room was orange. Orange!, Scooter, orange!

Your mother and I have worked hard over the last several months to make the house into our home. At times it has seemed slow going but, at the end of the day, we have to remember that we have a lifetime to fill the house up with both furniture and memories. One important area to start is the nursery! The room is painted, we have your crib, your bureau and your bookshelf all set up and ready to go and soon we'll start organizing everything. We frequently walk by your room and look at the empty crib with smiles on our faces thinking about how soon you will fill it. 

This is where you'll sleep. It is non-negotiable but we have added a mattress. We're not monsters after all

 We can't wait for you to come home and we can't wait for you to put your stamp on the house (not literally. Please do not stamp anything on the walls, floors or furniture). 

All my love,

Dad

Meet the family: Auntie Sarah "Toddy", "Todd" Bunnell

Hey Scooter Boy, 

Today, I'd like to introduce you to your primary, non-family relative, Auntie Sarah Bunnell. Sarah is your mother's best friend and has been since childhood so, while not related to either your mom's family or my family, she is your aunt nonetheless. Auntie Sarah, or Bunnell as I will now refer to her for the remainder of this post, will also honor your mother and I by acting as your godmother (unless she wrongs Mom or I in the next two months in which case we will cut her both from being your godmother and literally, with a blade).  

Your aunt in her current patriotic (and un-lacerated) state.

 Bunnell lives with her fiancee, Tim in Colchester, Vermont, which is a lovely town in which she went to college and now works. It is just a stone's throw from our house if the person throwing the stone can throw it several hundred miles. To those with an average throwing arm, it is several hundred stone's throws away. You and I will always make Mom drive to Bunnell's so that we can take naps over the course of the 3+ hour drive. I may sit in the back with you and we can make Mom wear a chauffeur's hat just to set the right mood. By the time you are born, visits to see Bunnell will hopefully be to the new house she is buying with Tim! 

So, if you're keeping score at home, Bunnell just recently got engaged, is planning a wedding, buying a house, her godson will be born in March AND Tim and her are getting a dog. Compared to that, having a baby sounds easy!  

Bunnell celebrating her skillful kill and subsequent hat making of a raccoon with Tim.

 Bunnell grew up on the same block as Mom in Holyoke and they have been friends as long as they both can remember. They are quite funny together and I always enjoy my time with the two of them immensely. When I first moved in with your Mom, the three of us were roommates for a short time. It was mostly fun but Bunnell will never go to a Blockbuster with us again due to your mother's and my bickering about what  to watch (NOTE: Blockbuster was a chain of movie rental stores when movies were primarily on VHS and DVD. They failed to anticipate the changing market and now they are a cautionary tale for other businesses. I will explain what a VHS is to you in person someday). Anyway, your Auntie Sarah is one of my favorite people and has become a great friend to me. 

This is a VHS. Also, called a "tape", a "cassette" or "archaic"

What is obvious is that Bunnell is one of the many people who cannot wait to meet you. What is not so obvious is why your mother and Bunnell call each other "Toddy" or "Todd". I will let your mother explain this one to you as I am not intimately familiar with (or particularly interested in) the origins of why your crazy mother and crazy aunt call each other a gentleman's name. I'm sure the rationale is as solid and sensible as that behind why you are called Scooter Baby.  

All sorts of "Todds"

 In closing, I haven't highlighted Bunnell's fiancee, Tim yet but he is a wonderful guy who makes your aunt very happy. Not that I would say otherwise in the blog (I just wouldn't say anything because if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it. And definitely don't put it on the internet) but your mother and I very much approve of Tim for our little Bunnell and are looking forward to ditching you for an evening or two in 2014 to celebrate their wedding! Visits to see them and visits from them will almost certainly always be warm, enjoyable affairs.

Keep it real,

Dad

Scooter Baby 101

Greetings my son,

On Saturday, your mother and I attended a childbirth education class at St. Vincent's hospital in Worcester. If all goes according to plan, this is the hospital in which you will enter the world. We learned about the birthing process and got a tour of the hospital including the labor and delivery rooms and the postpartum rooms. As it turns out, there is so much that we don't know about bringing a baby into the world. 

At the start of the day, our instructor, Katniss Everdeen (on sabbatical from "The Hunger Games") welcomed us and other expectant couples into a conference room at St. V's. Despite being wonderful and knowledgeable, I can't remember the instructor's name but I think she looked like Jennifer Lawrence in the aforementioned film. Your mom disagrees but I am the one writing the blog so...Katniss started off the seven hour class with a brief introduction about her qualifications while unintentionally scaring the crap out of the mothers by violently stuffing a baby doll into a knitted uterus (later used for demonstration). While the mother's faces went white, I thought to myself, "Wow, wool is a very durable material". My thoughts on wool were interrupted however and the fathers were soon to join the mothers in terms of sheer terror when we enjoyed a lovely video.

First, you sever the cervix with a well placed arrow...

I do not remember the title of this video so I will call it "Giving Birth is Gross". The video highlighted several mothers who consented to have their delivery processes filmed including a woman who ended up completely naked by the end of the delivery process. The instructor quickly explained that you did not have to appear as if you were one half of a porno to give birth but that different people try different things. I suspect that your mother will remain as clothed as possible during the delivery process. Other disgusting topics covered by the video were "Hey, look at this big, wet bag of red slop. LOOK AT IT! It's the placenta", "Did you hear that contractions hurt? Well, they don't hurt. THEY REALLY, REALLY HURT!" and "Fathers who look stoic but are seconds from passing out". It was very educational.

This is a placenta. Some parents eat this after their child's birth. Yes, this is the world in which you now live and no, you can't go back in the womb.

After the video came time for a tour, which was also educational but far less disgusting. We saw the rooms where babies are delivered, the rooms where moms get to recover and spend time with their little bundles of joy, and the room where little boys like you will get your private parts attacked with a knife as one of the first activities in life. Your Auntie Stef's hospital room in Holyoke was the size of a Burger King while the St. V's rooms are considerably smaller so your mom was a little jealous but overall happy with the accommodations.  

Auntie Stef's hospital room

We then enjoyed some lunch in the hospital cafeteria and returned to the conference room for the second half of the day. During the second half, we were treated to an overview of the various items used for soothing the private parts of moms after delivery such as witch hazel, little baths for your bum and some of the sexiest (read: unsexiest) underwear you've ever seen. Then came another video called "If you thought the first video was gross, enjoy this video about C-sections". Here we were treated to the precise details of how a cesarean section is performed (this is where the baby is surgically removed from the mother's stomach). It was truly disgusting. 

As it turns out, "C" is not just for "cookie"

We ended the day with some massage and breathing techniques that I hope your mother and I will be able to put to good use in helping make her more comfortable and get you into the world quickly and comfortably. Supposedly first pregnancies aren't particularly quick affairs but fingers crossed! 

The takeaway from this, I'm sure you'll find, is that I was pretty grossed out by the whole process. However, by the end of the day, I felt pretty good about it and realized that I will spring into action to be there for your mom when she needs me so we're all going to get through this, disgusting or not! Your mother is a very strong woman mentally so I have no doubt that she will impress the hell out of me on the day you arrive and that your screams will be the sweetest thing we've ever heard.

Love as always,

Dad

Give me an "A", give me a "J"

Hey boy,

Your cousin, Amo is here! He was born on Tuesday, January 8th, weighed in at 8 pounds, 10 ounces and was 20.5 inches long. Your mother and I sincerely hope that you are not that big! However, your Auntie Stef pulled it off with aplomb and both auntie and baby are doing well. When Mom spoke to Aurora that day, Aurora asked when you would be arriving. We hope it's soon but not too soon. We want to make sure you are cooked all the way through!

And then there was one...

It was very exciting for your mother and I to hear about Amo's arrival so we rushed out to Holyoke after work on Tuesday to see your aunt, Uncle PJ and the baby. Everyone was very excited and Amo is one cute kid, even with his little face all swollen and covered in what we'll call biological matter for lack of a more pleasant sounding term. We can't wait for you to be all swollen and covered in biological matter too! 

Amo's career in Holyoke's Golden Mittens boxing competition was short lived.

Auntie Stef is recovering comfortably at the hospital while Uncle PJ can't wait to get that baby home. Alexandria and Aurora can't wait for Amo to come home for the first time too. Very exciting indeed! In case it needs reiteration, your mom and I are very excited to bring our baby home too.

Is this kid cute or what? The answer is "cute".

Can't wait to get you two boys together for what we hope is the first of thousands of adventures.

Love, 

Dad

Meet the family: the Hadley Moynihans

Dear Scooter Baby,

Today I have the pleasure of introducing you to the Hadley Moynihans: your Uncle PJ, Aunt Stephanie and your cousins, Alexandria, Aurora and Amo. Uncle PJ is Mom's older brother and he lives with Auntie Stef in a comfortable, New England home in Hadley, Massachusetts with their two (and soon to be three) children. Like your mom, Uncle PJ and Auntie Stef are both from Holyoke but didn't meet until after they were both out of college. When they met, Auntie Stef already had your oldest cousin, Alexandria. All three of them decided they made a good team so your uncle and aunt eventually got married and then came your second oldest cousin, Aurora. Your third oldest cousin, Amo (who will only be a few months older than you) will literally be born any minute as I'm writing this. They make up one big, happy family and live in our home away from home whenever we are in Western Massachusetts. 

In case you didn't notice the pattern, your aunt and uncle like names that begin with "A". As further proof, they have a lovable dog named Annie so you'll be able to struggle with the names Auntie, Alexandria, Aurora, Amo and Annie when you first learn to talk. For that reason, I suspect Uncle PJ will be your favorite solely based on how easy it will be for you to pronounce his name (he will also frequently give you baseball cards).  

Annie during her days fighting in the French Resistance

 Uncle PJ owns his own business, Digital Eyes Film, which is a film and television production company. In addition to being his calling, Uncle PJ's business has allowed your mom and I to participate in some fun projects and events; I'm sure there will be more to come that you and Amo will get to enjoy. Auntie Stef works at Trader Joe's (a grocery store that's fun even for adults) and takes care of your cousins when they aren't in school. Your aunt is a voracious fantasy reader and fantasy film buff so expect to be whisked away to Hogwart's or Middle Earth with her on a regular basis.  

We're not models, we just play them on TV

 Alexandria is 14 years old going on 15 and she loves horseback riding and this boy band called One Direction. I suspect they will have dissolved into nothingness by the time you are listening to music but she did tell Grandpa that they were like the Beatles so maybe they'll still be around. She will be one of your biggest fans and a regular babysitter when your aunt, uncle, mom and I need a night out. Aurora is 5 years old and is one sweet and funny kid. She will undoubtedly dress you and Amo up like princesses one moment and be playing soccer with you the next. She was everyone's baby for the last five years so scientific studies that I just made up show that she will either be relieved to pass the torch and move onto adolescence or torture you and Amo. I am totally kidding, she is sooooo (note the extra o's) excited to be a big sister and a cousin. 

You can tell that they're sweet girls because look how excited they are to get t-shirts for Christmas!

 And, finally, Amo is negative two weeks old and, like you, is resting inside his mother's belly but, unlike you, will be out in the real world any minute. As you and Amo will be only a couple months apart, you are lucky to have a cousin close enough in age that a family member can also be a friend. We look forward to the adventures of our two little boys. WARNING: your mother and aunt will occasionally dress you alike. This is not your uncle's fault nor is it mine. Remember that when you are both obnoxious teenagers and taking out your angst on loved ones. 

"It doesn't matter if you're black and white." -Michael Jackson

 As you can see, there are quite a few people waiting to meet you including one who isn't even born yet! We hope that you and Amo will have the same kind of relationship as Uncle PJ, Auntie Stef, Mom and I have and that you will both look up to your beautiful female cousins as role models (except where musical tastes are concerned). One thing is for sure, you'll always have a home base in Hadley, Massachusetts.

Love,

Dad

Meet the family: Uncle Pat

Hi son o' mine,

Your Uncle Pat is the family member introduction du jour. Uncle Pat was born on November 28th, 1986 (but we will usually give him his birthday present at Christmas because we are lazy like him to get a bunch of presents at once) in Northampton, Massachusetts at the same hospital in which I was born. He now lives in Mattapan, Massachusetts outside of Boston and works as a Clinical Research Assistant for Brigham and Women's Hospital. Uncle Pat has the same genetic Dempsey humor mutation that Great Grandpa, Papa and I have which causes uncontrollable laughter about things in which a sane person would find little to no humor. And, you will find this hard to believe when you're young if you're lucky enough to have siblings but your uncle is one of your dad's best friends (your mother, of course, is number one!). 

Uncle Pat performing Dean Martin favorites at one of his many charity galas

I am 4 and 1/2 years older than your uncle so we did not always see eye to eye growing up. Uncle Pat will tell you that I was always the instigator but, if you do have siblings, you will understand as an older brother that your uncle is a filthy, filthy liar. Despite our squabbles, I was ecstatic to have a baby brother when I was 4 and 1/2 and that feeling has never changed. We still don't see eye to eye all the time but Uncle Pat is a wonderful brother and friend to both your mother and I. He is always willing to help us out with housework or turn a boring weekend day into a laugh fest. Your uncle is a kind, loyal and generous person with a warm smile that can't help but brighten your day.

I said in an earlier entry that I had no expectations or wishes for you other than that you be happy and whoever it is that you are meant to be but I might need to amend that slightly as there is no way you will make it through life without liking Indiana Jones, Star Wars and Batman if your uncle and I have anything to say about it. Or perhaps I should say that there is no way you will understand your Uncle Pat and I unless you make a careful study of these things. Chances are good that we will give you plenty of chances to familiarize yourself with Indy and the gang while you laugh at how old your uncle and father must be if they are talking about movies that are over 30 years old.  

Spoiler alert: Your Uncle Pat is Indiana Jones

Your uncle is very much looking forward to meeting you. I can already see him taking you to Celtics' games and to the movies. I can see him babysitting when your mother and I have a night out. And I can see that if he is half as good an uncle as he is a brother then you will have a great relationship with Uncle Pat and you will have another watchful guardian in this world who will celebrate your successes or pick you up when you fall. 

Love always,

Your Papa's youngest son's brother