Toys in the Attic

Dear Scooter Baby,

Your mother's delayed baby shower will occur this weekend with the end result that we will inevitably (and gratefully!) be deluged with baby products for every aspect of baby rearing. Of particular note will be the toys and playthings that we will receive on your behalf. This got me thinking about the toys with which I played as I grew up and how different or similar they were in comparison with the toys of today. 

So, let's take a walk down memory lane with my old toys playing the unlikely role of biographer. 

It seems that all babies opt for the wooden spoon or plastic bowl from the kitchen in lieu of the more expensive toys at times and I am sure that I was much the same. However, here are those marketable toys I remember loving at a very young age:

-Weebles: I don't know if Weebles are still in existence these days but their claim to fame was that they "wobble but never fall down". I proved this on countless occasions as well as the unadvertised claim that their plastic shell would not break no matter how hard or how far you threw them. From an adult perspective, these would appear to provide only minutes of fun but I am fairly certain that they keep a child entertained for a much longer period of time.

Trapped inside plastic shells, these tiny people exist only for your amusement

-Duplo: Duplo is like Lego's older brother with a glandular problem. The big Duplo pieces are conducive to easier play for young ones with the added bonus of not fitting in the mouth particularly well (unlike those delicious Legos!). Duplo was a particular favorite of mine and later a favorite of your Uncle Pat's because what you can create is limited only by your imagination (and motor dexterity when you are very young).

Despite their bright colors, these Duplo blocks are not lemon, cherry and blueberry flavored. They are dirty plastic flavored.

 -Wood blocks: Much like Duplo, playing with wooden blocks can lead from the simplest of structures to the grandest castles. It is also a lot of fun to destroy your architectural creations once you tire of the design. 

The architect of this mess was careless. Be more careful in your builds, Scooter

 -Fisher Price Little People: While little people today is one of the politically correct terms for those with dwarfism, back in my childhood it referred to small, plastic persons with no arms or legs. These Little People had many adventures in Nana's and Papa's house especially when the Little People barnyard set was thrown in. When opening the barn, a cow would "moooooooo" even when there wasn't a cow anywhere near the barn. This led the Little People to assume that the spirit of a deceased cow haunted the barn. Relocating the barn to a build site NOT on an ancient Indian burial ground did not resolve the issue. Child's play can be pretty serious sometimes. 

Not pictured: the angry souls of animals from days gone by

Once I got a little older, I transitioned many of the above play items to Uncle Pat so that he could begin his own adventures. More "manly" toys became my toys of choice and dictated all my great adventures:

-He-Man: He-Man was a mythical warrior born from a collaboration between a television company and a toy company with the sole goal of selling toys. It appears it worked as I alone had dozens of figures not to mention the countless children across the country collecting figures and play sets left, right and center. Many of the body parts of these figures are strewn under years of soil build up around Nana's and Papa's house indicating the ferocity of the battles in which they engaged. While many of the licensed figures and play sets were great fun, nothing matched the Castle Grayskull (He-Man's house) that Papa built from scratch for me one Christmas. The castle still stands against the winds of time and will be passed to you once you are old enough.

Using steroids and looking constipated is no way to go through life, He-Man

 -Star Wars: Star Wars action figures are something that I not only enjoyed as a child but something that evolved (or devolved depending on how you look at it) into a hobby as a young teenager. These action figures were the action figures that launched a new era of toys and there were hundreds of them. Every once in awhile, your Papa would hide a new figure in the attic or basement and pretend he found it for me when we'd be doing chores around the house. This led to my mistaken belief that I could find new toys around the house if I looked hard enough. Childhood can be both exciting and disappointing.

There is an action figure equivalent of literally every living (and some non-living) object that was featured in a Star Wars movie.

 -M.A.S.K.: M.A.S.K. or Mobile Armored Strike Kommand were a series of action figures and vehicles that transformed from an everyday vehicle to a death machine. My favorites were the sports car that transformed into a boat and the tractor trailer truck that transformed into a missile silo. These toys taught the important life lesson that nothing is what it seems...and it can kill you. Just kidding. It can only maim you.

This pickup truck features hydraulics, headlight machine guns, a projectile spare tire and it is AWESOME!

 -Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are a toy that remained relevant from my childhood through Uncle Pat's childhood and have now been re-released for kids Aurora's age. As their name would suggest, the characters were mutated turtles of a teenage disposition trained in the ancient art of the Ninja. The Turtles were named for the great Renaissance painters Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello and Michelangelo so as to make parents feel as if their children were becoming cultured as they forked over dollar after dollar to Toys 'R' Us. 

Raphael, Donatello, Michelangelo and --having forgotten his belt-- an embarrassed Leonardo

It would warm my heart if these toys continue in various incarnations throughout your childhood or if you pull out my old toys (but let's go ahead and disinfect them first) to make them your own but if you've got an imagination like mine then you'll have great adventures with whatever toys you choose. If you have an imagination like your mother then you'll play office or library. I'm not saying one's better than the other but don't forget that awesome pickup truck with guns! 

Your ability to play and imagine seems to disappear as time goes by but both your mother and I are looking forward to turning back our clocks to play with you, your toys and your imagination.

Love,

He-Dad